James Beard’s Top 5 Most Iconic Moments

This is what James Beard looked like.

As all of y’all know, the 2025 James Beard Award nominees have officially been announced! I want to congratulate all the nominees, especially Mei, and make it super clear that even though we didn’t get a nom, I’m not bitter or jealous at all. Especially not at Mei. In honor of the Oscars of the Food World, here are five of James Beard’s most iconic moments. (James Beard, in fact, was a real man)

5. The Time James Beard Ordered One of Everything

I think that’s pasta…

Many film scholars don’t know this, but James Beard was the inspiration behind Mr. Creosote in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life. As we all know, James loved to eat, and his favorite food was one of everything. He only had it one time though, at New York’s famed Delmonico’s. He consumed seven different kinds of steaks, a whole chicken, a rack of lamb, and everything else that was on the menu. After he was finished, he gave a satisfied burp and rubbed his belly. Although he was very pleased, he skipped on the chicken on future visits.

4. The Time James Beard Outsmoked Julia Child

BFFLs

James Beard was the fag to Julia Child’s fag hag. The two were inseparable since they both appeared together on Johnny Carson or something. The lived together. They ate together. And they had dual toilets in the same bathroom, often going at the same time.

Everyone knows Julia smoked “delightful puffs,” as she put it. But did you know James Beard was quite the smoker himself? The subject came up when they both appeared on Howard Stern in 1995. Pauly Shore had just happened to roll a fatty spliff, and he kept rolling them and rolling them because James and Julia kept smoking so much. Ultimately, James out smoked Julia by one toke. Afterwards, they all went to Macaroni Grill and shared a large Alfredo trough.

James Beard on Howard Stern right before outsmoking Julia Child.

3. The Time James Beard Was Caught Making Out with Jacques Pépin

Woof!

Everyone knows James Beard was what was referred to during his time as a “bachelor.” At the Ritz in London in 1975, guests waiting for the elevator caught a glimpse of James and Jacques Pépin, winner of France’s prestigious Sexiest Chef award, in a warm embrace, lips locked. Jacques quickly pulled away and later denied that such a thing did happen. But at a press conference the following morning, James confirmed that it did indeed happen, that he didn’t let go because he “wanted them to see.” Jacques is far from the only celebrity that James has been linked to. Others include: Wolfgang Puck, Joël Robuchon, José Andres, and Pauly Shore.

Comment dit-on… “daddy?”

2. The Time James Beard Baked Himself into a Giant Loaf of Bread

Look at that chonker!

At 4:08 am on October 4, 1988, Portland police responded to a distressed call from James, who sounded muffled. Upon arriving at his Victorian bungalow, first responders broke into his marble kitchen and soon spotted a gigantic sweet batard on the floor – one arm poking out one of it, the hand attached gripping a pink-corded phone. Before too long officers realized it was James, who, being the master baker he was, baked himself into a loaf of bread just to see if he could. The only way for the officers to free him was to eat the bread. Twelve officers got to work on their hands and knees, taking bite after bite of delicious, delicious bread. They finally got down to James, damp and naked, one officer accidentally biting skin. The officer was terrified, but James just laughed, and everyone breathed sighs of relief. Then James and the other officers proceeded to partake in a “baker’s dozen.”

And last but not least…

1. James Beard’s Annual Fire Island White Party

From 2006, when Daft Punk headlined.

Every July 4th weekend for 50 years, James Beard held an annual White Party on his Fire Island compound. Everyone who was anyone would make the trek – men of all shapes, sizes, and ages were welcome.

The weekend would kick off with a feast of canapés, held up high on silver trays by the first born sons of every senator. Between dips in the ocean and the pool of ice cream, guests would enjoy the champagne jacuzzi or hit up the dance floor for the nastiest beats. On the last night of the weekend, out came the foam, each year flavored after a different pie (banana cream being an especially memorable one). The next morning, Jame’s hundreds of guests would leave at the same time, and he and Julia would bask in their mess.

Oh James, you crazy dog. You knew how to enjoy the fine things in life, a skill few possess but many covet. May you forever bless us with your wisdom and keep teaching us from beyond the grave.

I would kill for his glassware…