Top 5 Gayest Foods
As we know, next month is Pride Month! Yay! We also know that most food is gay, but here are 5 foods that are absolutely the gayest.
5. Chicken Étouffé
Get in my belly.
“Étouffé” has not one accent, but two. You can’t even say “étouffé” without sounding like you’re turning your nose up at someone. Not to mention it’s basically just a few pieces of chicken smothered in cream. Bobby knows what’s up.
Oh Bobby.
4. Costco Chicken Bake
I mean…
Look guys… this is what a big, fat, uncut penis looks like. There’s absolutely no way around it. I don’t want to tell you what the inside resembles but you are thinking exactly what everyone else is thinking and you’re valid.
Oh it will give you protein alright.
You’ll have to cruise around for the real thing.
3. Salad… But a Bad One
The longer you stare at it the worse it gets.
Every gay guy has a phase where they’re like “you know what I’m just going to eat salad” and then proceed to make and eat a bunch of salad at home. You’re not making salad at home. You’re buying pre-washed, pre-cut ingredients from Trader Joe’s and mixing them all together. You’re combining a bunch of things that don’t even go together, like tortilla chips and raspberry vinaigrette. “It’s good.” No it’s not. Shut the fuck up!
2. Wings
Can’t stop thinking about him.
Here me out: wings are equivalent to the straight guy" (gender-neutral) you’re chasing after because he’s probably interested even though you both know they’re going to fuck up your life. This is a universal gay experience, and therefore they appeal to all queer people both gay and straight. Also they’re either covered in rub” or sauce: both gay.
1. Chicken Nuggie
Otherwise known as breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
There’s nothing gayer than chicken nuggie. It’s easy. It’s breezy. It’s fried or baked. You don’t really want to think about how they’re made, but you just turn brain off and let it slide right in. Enjoy the soft bouncy texture of this delicious food. It melts in your mouth. Yum yum!
